Its hell to get old
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year-old man re-appeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'.
sexy jokes
got this list of jokes from
http://sggeratberlin.blogspot.com/.. damn funny..
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together of course.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
14. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
15. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?A: Breasts don't have eyes.
16. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!!
4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO
There are a few things that can be done in
times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone
can actually be a life saver or an emergency
tool for survival. Check out the things that you
can do with it:
One: Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is
112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area
of your mobile; network and there is an
emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search
any existing network to establish the emergency
number for you, and interestingly this number
112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked.
Try it out.
Two: Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This
may come in handy someday. Good reason to
own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car
and the spare keys are at home, call someone at
home on their mobile phone from your cell
phone.
Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car
door and have the person at your home press the
unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone
on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves
someone from having to
drive your keys to you. Distance is no object.
You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you
can reach someone who has the other 'remote'
for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the
trunk).
Three: Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To
activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will
restart with this reserve and the instrument will
show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will
get charged when you charge your mobile next
time.
Four: How to disable a STOLEN mobile
phone?
To check your mobile phone's serial number, key
in the following digits on your phone!: * # 0 6 #,
a 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This
number is unique to your handset. Write it down
and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone
get stolen, you can phone your service provider
and give them this code. They will then be able
to block your handset so even if the thief
changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally
useless.
You probably won't get your phone back, but at
least you know that whoever stole it can't
use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there
would be no point in people stealing mobile
phones.
wine appreciation at siemens center
last thurs had a wine appreciation class at siemens center..
the place is dam nice la.. wit gym and a nice enviroment.. however.. too far away from jurong east.. 1st PIE sucks.. next.. ERP sucks more.. knn.. so no matter how nice the place is... i hope we wont shift there...
we had like 5 kinds of wine.. 2 reds and 2 whites.. donno wats the name.. forgot liao.. cant really tell la.. but heng i know how to gek the seh.. haha..
